Atsuko's Story

Atsuko I travelled to Japan in 2009 to learn as much as I could about Mizuko Kuyo.

I was grateful to speak with Atsuko about her experience with Mizuko Kuyo. Born in 1963 Atsuko describes herself as a modern Japanese woman and I found her to be extremely friendly and very funny. She has a 17 year old daughter called Miko who she described as a ‘bit stuck up’ and works as an English translator in her home town of Kyoto. In her own words Atsuko is not a ‘pious Buddhist’ but a modern Japanese woman who practises Buddhism in her life.

At first Atsuko was not particularly comfortable speaking of her loss and I was interested to learn that even though there is more open acknowledgement of miscarriage and abortion in Japan it is still a topic that is spoken of quite privately. In her twenties Atsuko sadly lost a pregnancy at six months and one day, the baby weighing 500g. Even years later she still mentions to me that ‘one day’ and I immediately identified with her. Sometimes the amount of time we have with our baby or Mizuko is so small that every moment is precious and is to be remembered.

Atsuko describes the time after her loss as one of great sadness. She was unable to speak of the child – even to family and she needed a ‘towel for her tears’ there were so many.

After the loss Atsuko did not feel strong enough to participate in her own Mizuko Kuyo. Her Mother who herself had experienced six miscarriages undertook the Mizuko Kuyo on her behalf at the family temple of Ninnaji in Kyoto. Interestingly her Mother did not participate in Mizuko Kuyo for her own miscarriages but later in life felt more strongly about her own losses and hence the necessity of the ceremony for her grandchild. Atsuko asked that the ceremony not be too large or conspicuous but small and private for her family.

When Atsuko felt ready she visited the Mizuko Jizo at her family temple Ninnaji and prayed for her child and placed a small doll that was special to her next to the Mizuko Jizo out of respect.

Atsuko mentioned many times that Buddhist people in Japan do not have to conduct a Mizuko Kuyo for their loss and she did not feel any pressure to participate. She was grateful however that an acknowledgement took place for her and her family and felt that she would have been lost without the Mizuko Kuyo as an option. She was surprised to learn that in Australian culture we don’t openly acknowledge miscarriage and abortion and we rarely even speak of our loss – considering it to be more a medical procedure.

I visited the temple of Ninnaji with Atsuko to see her Mizuko Jizo. I observed her placing flowers next to her Mizuko Jizo out of respect and running water over the Jizo – a tradition that symbolises life returning to water to live again. Usually Atsuko visits her Jizo once a year to pay respects because the loss was now many years ago.

Atsuko also took me to a memory ceremony for Mizuko Jizo at Ryozen Kwannon in Kyoto. We visited on the 23rd of the month which is the traditional day for the memorial. At 1pm a Monk called Ito chanted a brief Sanskrit (scripture) and the women who were there said their prayers and left small gifts of bananas and flowers. It was a peaceful and calm occasion that I felt very comfortable being part of.

Ito was so pleased to meet me after the ceremony and to learn that I was interested in the Mizuko Kuyo. He said many tourists are attracted to the Mizuko Jizo when they see them in temples because they are often brightly adorned with spinning wheels and children’s toys and are surprised to learn their meaning. Ito considers the ceremony to be incredibly important because it helps women and families after the loss of a ‘baby before birth’ with their grieving, with their thoughts and with their mind.

Ito was pleased that I wanted to ‘borrow’ from his culture and acknowledge my own Mizuko even though I am not Buddhist. He thought it was appropriate and respectful. That certainly settled my mind for at some level I worried that it might be disrespectful to conduct my own ceremony. Ito prayed for me as a woman and as a traveller to Japan. Atsuko translated Ito’s words for me and assured me that no more than a prayer by the mother was needed to make a Mizuko Kuyo official. The ceremony, the Jizo and the gifts are simply a matter of choice.

Atsuko was genuinely happy to share her story with me – strangely we both really enjoyed the day. We spoke of a loss that was important to her and of our shared experience – an experience that is shared by women and families around the world.